Dear Julia,

I recently read your response to the woman who was concerned about negative energy in a house she was buying. Your advice to her makes a lot of sense. I have an important question: What if I am the one responsible for the negative energy in my own home? I've had a lot of things pulled out from under me over the past few years and I'm in the process of rebuilding my life. I've focused on the losses too much and I've become negative. My boyfriend of six years has been very mean to me at times. He does not live here but we have had terrible fights in my home. He has kicked holes in walls and broken items that belong to me, etc. At one point, he participated in a program and things were better, but from time to time, he has bad spells and there is a lot of negativity. Because of him, I've allowed myself to gradually slip from a confident, energetic, positive person into someone quite different. I get depressed and have to work my way out of it. I stopped putting up with his bad behavior: When he can't treat me well, I refuse to spend time with him. I'm not sure where our relationship will lead, but in the mean time, I've been trying to get back to the person I used to be. It is very difficult. I have sometimes wondered if all of those terrible, traumatic fights have hung themselves on these walls. Does that make sense? I don't feel happy in my house. Even though my boyfriend's behavior has been the cause of all the bad times, I feel responsible because I allowed it to happen in my home. I even feel guilty sometimes. This is why I believe I am the cause. I would love to hear from you.

-Gail

Dear Gail,

It is true that the events that happen in a place contribute to the psychic atmosphere there. The more emotionally intense an incident, the stronger the impression it leaves. This is sort of like dealing with a physical mess: if someone comes in and tracks dust on the floor, it will make your house a bit dirty until it's cleaned up, but if someone comes in and splashes red and black paint all over the walls, that mess is going to leave a much more ugly, long lasting stain.

While there are deeper issues at work here, it won't hurt to psychically cleanse your home of negativity and fill it with positive energy. This is similar to taking a shower in order to clear away the grime of the past and refresh yourself. Many intuitive counselors and healers cleanse the psychic atmospheres of their homes and work spaces as often as they clean them on a physical level. Anger, depression and emotional upset attract lower astral entities much like letting garbage sit around attracts roaches; to get rid of pests and all the problems they can cause, we have to regularly take the garbage out both physically and spiritually.

That being said, you are wise to ponder your energy’s ongoing impact on your home’s atmosphere, for it is the people who spend the most time in a place that tend to determine its overall vibration. However, when someone's energy is very strong, they will have a greater influence on the places and people around them than someone whose lifeforce is weaker. Thus one angry or depressed teenager with surging hormones can disrupt a whole household, and conversely, a gifted energy healer can draw others up into resonance with her own vibrant well-being.

During your boyfriend's rages, he is channeling very intense energy. It's obvious that over the past six years, he has had more influence over you than he deserves. I can see that you are in the process of taking your power back, and this is just what needs to happen if you are to have your desire for greater peace and happiness prevail despite his anger issues.

It’s also important to realize that the more one works on a conscious level to psychically influence other people or places, the more powerful the results tend to be. This is why having someone cleanse and bless a home can lead to instant transformation, and also why places where Satanic rituals have been practiced tend to feel very dark and creepy. This means that you can create a positive psychic atmosphere in your home by making your own energy more positive, especially if you set a conscious intention to create a peaceful, uplifting sanctuary. Whether you approach this on a conscious level or not, as YOU change, the atmosphere in your home will naturally change with you. The more you take constructive action to feel better about yourself and your life, the better your home's atmosphere will feel.

The world around us is a reflection of the world inside of us. The more happy and peaceful you are on the inside, the more happy and peaceful your outer circumstances will tend to grow, and the more you will tend to attract people who mirror your loving, positive vibes. I therefore think you'd be wise to focus first and foremost on the source of your personal reality - your inner landscape. With this in mind, I encourage you to keep doing all you can to empower yourself, heal and release the past, and cultivate how you want to feel and who you want to be.

A very wise spiritual teacher I studied with for years frequently urged her students to Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comforted. There are lots of ways to interpret this sage advice, but I'll put it this way: some people always blame others for their problems instead of taking an honest look at themselves, while others go to the other extreme and always blame themselves even for things that are not their fault. I feel you fall in this latter category!

The main underlying theme that jumps out at me from your question is th truth that you are on a journey to a better relationship to YOURSELF. This troubled situation you have with your boyfriend is just a channel through which you are working on learning to love and appreciate yourself more deeply. That you would blame yourself for his behavior is one clear sign that what you need most of all is to feel you deserve peace, love and happiness.

Though most of us have been raised to believe that we get what we deserve in life, the truth is that we get what we THINK we deserve. When you believe you deserve better down deep in your soul, everything in your life will grow brighter. You will either attract a better match or your boyfriend will become the man you need him to be; your home will begin to glow with the beautiful light of your own inner harmony and self-love; every corner of your world will become more pleasant and beautiful.

I encourage you to stop blaming yourself or anyone else for the way things have gone in the past and the way your world feels now. Instead, examine your journey for what it is trying to teach you. If you learn whatever you are supposed to be learning from this troubled relationship and you heal whatever issues are keeping it alive in your life, you will set yourself free to move on to new and hopefully more pleasant territory.