I was born 10/31/82. I have a quick question I've been wondering about. I've noticed that all the important women in my life fall under certain categories: they are either rape/abuse victims, addicts or mentally/physically ill. This is not a bad thing - it's just really striking that I seem to find these people. I’m mentally ill myself, so that’s probably part of why I care about them a lot. For example, my wife is a sexual abuse victim and suffers from depression. I'm wondering if there was some sort of spiritual force behind this pattern. I don’t know - maybe someone or something wants me to help people. Thanks for any advice you have on this subject.

-Russell

Dear Russell,

Why do you attract these women into your life? For one thing, it's nice to feel like a hero. We all like to feel like we're helping others in important ways. In fact, being a rescuer or solver of problems can be very addictive.

You keep attracting these women because you want that good feeling you experience when you help others. It's as if you have a big neon sign over your head that says Come to me - I can fix things! People with heavy issues can sense that you'll draw them out and really listen.

If you want to stop this pattern, first you have to stop wanting it to happen. Pretend that sign is there and just reach up and turn it off! By consciously taking action to break this pattern of experience, you can attract something different in the future.

Many people who have a history of getting involved with troubled individuals are said to have wounded bird syndrome. Just like some women are attracted to bad boys, some men are attracted to women who have a history of abuse and abandonment. They like knowing they are so much better than the abusers who hurt those women in the past.

Some people seem to have a never-ending desire to fix things in others. While that may be a noble pursuit, it should only be done by a qualified professional. When the person doing the fixing is also having issues, it spills over into the lives of the people he or she is trying to help.

Since you've noticed this distinct pattern of experience, at least you realize that you are the one who is attracting these women into your life. Being attracted only to people who need to be rescued will drain you and cause you to make some pretty awful mistakes in judgment.

There are two main issues to keep in mind if you want to avoid big frustration: First, most people don't really want to be fixed, and second, the only person you can really change is yourself.

On the surface, it might seem all right to play the knight in shining armor to women who have a history of rape, abuse and abandonment. However, a person in that role needs to be very cautious or he can do more harm than good by making the other person dependent on him.

Playing with the emotions of someone who has been abused in order to help them can often make things much worse for everyone involved. Further, those relationships often end very badly, so I hope you and your wife each have a good therapist to help you deal with all of this.

Susyn responds:

Dear Russell,

It's a metaphysical fact that we attract what we are projecting out into the world, so it's not surprising that you're noticing a pattern concerning the type of people you tend to draw into your experience.

You are correct in assuming that, in a most remarkable way, you are the best person to help these people. Your empathy and understanding draw these women to you for the purpose of healing.

It's no accident that you regularly cross paths with people who have heavy issues they are working on. Because you're a Scorpio, your own nature draws them in and affirms that you will understand and help them to heal. The beauty of this is that when you help to heal others, you heal yourself at the same time.

It doesn't sound like this pattern is a problem for you. Being the best you can be and striving for healthy balance within yourself will enable you to help even more. We're all on this journey together, and we gravitate to the people we can help as well as those who can help us.

As a Scorpio, people perceive that you are nonjudgmental and accepting of everyone. The depth of your unconditional love is apparent to all. Being a water sign, you come across as more emotional and sensitive. Unfortunately, this can also make you more susceptible to depression or mental illness.

You can capitalize on your Scorpio gifts by using them to gain higher awareness of this pattern. Because your sign rules the soul and the subconscious, you're able to see beyond the obvious and into the true heart of matters. You also have a keen ability to get people to open up and share their fears or concerns.

If you want to explore this further, I recommend contacting your local rape crisis center or mental health center to see if they take volunteer counselors. By engaging in the free training they offer, you can expand your ability to help others.

One thing I would warn you against is becoming too close to these people. Because of your Scorpio nature, you can be a psychic sponge. This gives you the ability to take on others' troubles or upsets, but in the end, it could prove to be a major drain on you. You can remain helpful and empathetic while also constructing careful boundaries around yourself that will prevent you from giving away too much of your own time and energy.

You will notice that, the healthier you become, the more you will attract a variety of people who are also working on themselves. This is fascinating to observe and is a great barometer of the progress you are making.