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Dear Rejane,
I chose your question because I get so many like it every week. Though the details differ, this basic question may be the most common one we receive here at Kajama.
Unfortunately, it seems there are many people in the world who are miserable and believe themselves to be the unlucky victims of fate or outside malevolent forces. Some say that they are depressed, helpless and hopeless. Others say that their family members, coworkers and acquaintances all hate them. Others say that no matter what they do, everything just seems to go wrong for them.
What they all have in common is the belief or feeling that they are somehow being victimized by other people, malevolent forces, or life itself. It is this belief that they can and are being victimized that is the root cause of their ill fortune.
It sounds to me like your trouble began when you learned that your ex-husband practiced magick designed to harm you. It also sounds like you grew up in a culture that accepted the belief that this sort of thing is possible, so hearing that he had done this made you feel fearful and victimized.
At that point, you began to anxiously look for evidence of being cursed. Your fear and anxiety kept you in a low vibration, which combined with your attention to ill fortune and your negative expectations to create a very powerful bad luck spell. The important thing to realize is that the energy for this spell has been self-perpetuating: once the seed was planted, you were the one who watered it and helped it to keep growing.
The bottom line is that we create our own realities. Like attracts like, so when we are full of hope and expecting good things to come our way, that is what tends to happen. When we are anxious, helpless and pessimistic, undesirable things tend to happen. Further, the more we blame our bad luck on external forces, the more helpless and victimized we feel, which just makes things get worse and worse.
The number one thing you can do to break free of this misery is to embrace the truth that you are the creator of your own reality. This doesn't mean that outside forces can't affect you; it means the more you consciously align with what you desire, the more immune you will be to outside influences.
In order to create positive change in your life, you will have to fully embrace the truth that you can be the master of your own fate. You will also have to study and actively work with the law of attraction. This may sound too simple to be the answer you're looking for, but trust me – it is the most powerful spiritual lesson I've ever learned.
This doesn't mean it's easy. Most people who feel as you do are so entrenched in victim mentality and helplessness that they rarely take constructive action on their own behalf. This is natural because if you don't believe that you are creating your own reality, you'll tend to be passive. This passivity and belief that your life is being controlled by outside forces – be they vengeful people, dark entities or benevolent gods – will keep you from exercising your divine creative power to create what you want in your life.
Some people get angry and defensive when I suggest that they are the ones responsible for their own suffering. While I understand their feelings, I must point out that it's yet another example of the pessimistic, dis-empowering belief system I'm talking about. Someone with a positive, empowered mindset would seize upon the idea that they had created their own misery with great excitement, for they would realize that if they had created their own misery thus far, they must have the power to create something more pleasant in the future. Here's the bottom line: as long as you're blaming outside forces for the way your life is going, you're giving your power to create positive change away.
People who are rooted in victim mentality are also full of reasons why they can't act on the empowering ideas and advice that come to them. This is because they don't really want to take responsibility for what they create in their lives - they want someone or something else to rescue them. Unfortunately, this is metaphysically impossible.
To begin to turn this around, you might begin by pondering the idea that if someone can work harmful magick on you, you can surely work beneficial magick on your own behalf. Look at the power of your mind over the course of your experience thus far: all you had to do was learn that your ex had somehow cursed you and everything began to fall apart.
It's time to bless yourself and ask the Universe to bless you with all you desire, and begin to look for evidence that your luck has turned for the better. Consciously cultivate optimism and bright hopes for the future, and focus your attention on what you desire. Study the law of attraction and immerse yourself in working with those principles every day. Surround yourself with positive people and influences and pour all of your being into shifting into a higher level of energy and experience.
If you are consciously creating what you want in your life, your intentions will prevail. I can bless you, but if you don't raise your vibration, you will continue to attract undesirable experiences. Fortunately, this also means that if you raise your vibration, someone can curse you, but you will continue to attract desirable experiences because of your high vibration and positive energy.
If we are careless, outside influences can and will affect us. If you never brush your teeth, bacteria will take over and cause them to rot, but if you purposefully keep them clean and do whatever else is necessary to encourage well-being, you will have a bright, shiny smile. With things like black magick and curses, if you view yourself as a passenger instead of the driver in this journey called your life, then you will allow others to drive you where they want to go. If instead, you take the wheel, you can set your own course and end up where you want to be.
Many people may scoff that it's impossible to curse someone; in fact, I used to believe this myself. However, if we believe in the power of prayer, we have to accept that it's also possible to wish others' ill. This makes it extra important to consciously work with our power to create what we want in our lives, take responsibility for what we do create, and remember that others can only influence us if our own will/energy is weaker than theirs.
It may encourage you to know that people have totally turned their lives around by embracing these principles. For example, Rhonda Byrne (author of The Secret) and many other Law of Attraction experts struggled for years with apparent bad luck before they embraced the truth that we are all creating our own realities – some of us are just doing it more consciously and skillfully than others. --Julia
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